May Maximilian via email
Why should you know them?
Because you’ll need to distract people who lost their @sses today in the stock market, that’s why. Or maybe you’re just tired of hearing Jenny from accounting blather endlessly about her stupid kids. Or you talk to angels and they feel horribly out of the loop, consumed as they are with harp lessons and baking cupcakes for God and protecting idiot mortals from themselves.
Regardless, you’re welcome.
Parents of pre-teens lose their minds when Miley Cyrus is photographed smoking. Like she hasn’t been doing that between shots of Jack since she was 8.
Lindsay Lohan may have just lost her sole acting gig, but no one’s willing to say so.
Wikipedia finds out people don’t like working for free.
Creepy cult leader Warren Jeffs is still creepy. Also, a newly-convicted child rapist.
Jane Fonda doesn’t care if you don’t like her. She’ll keep being hot just to spite you.
Paul McCartney is going to talk to Scotland Yard about his phone being hacked. Because no one effs with a Beatle, yo.
The cast of “The Big Lebowski” will hold a reunion at a NY screening later this month. The Dude continues to abide.
RIP Cha Cha from “Grease.” I loved you best.
“To Catch a Predator” gotcha-guy Chris Hansen has been found with his hand up yet another skirt he isn’t married to.
Happy Birthday, Mr. President. I’d sing to you all Marilyn-like but Michelle would beat my @ss.